Lessons Learned

I've learned a few things from our national info-media-tainment in the past 72 hours that I feel are worth sharing.

First I learned that if an American President bows to the Japanese Emperor it causes our aircraft carriers to sink and our penises to shrink.  

It probably would have been okay if he had just held his hand and had a nice little stroll!

Then I learned that if you can go to five colleges in six years to get a degree in something you'll never actually do, fail to win an election, quit the only job you have, publish a book about yorself written by someone else, and engage in a public spat with your daughter's Playgirl-centerfold-baby-daddy, Oprah's totally got an episode to spare for you!

Finally I learned that if you aren't FUCKING TERRY-FIED of terrorists then the terrorists win. Or you aren't a Patriot. Or something.

Class dismissed.

For homework, please figure out how we got from "Shock and Awe, bitchez!" to "SHRIEK and AIIEEEEE! Bearded men!" in less than a decade.